Humpjones

Our EXXXclusive Interview with DJ Squid

Posted Sep 17, 2007 4 comments

Humpasaur Jones: How long have we been doing hip hop, and why did we make the mistake of doing this to begin with?

DJ Squid: I got my first pair of turntables back in the summer 1996, at the end of my freshman year of high school, after slaving away for months at the Little Caesar’s at the corner of Indian Boundary Road and Route 49.  I was pretty upset about leaving my social circle in Mishakawa behind, and I was a really shy kid, so I wanted to indulge in a hobby that would promote social interactions and maybe get me some attention from the fine young ladies at Chesterton High.  I spent most of that summer just fucking around with the decks and a really shitty Tascam sampler/sequencer.  When I got back to school in September, I linked up with these kids Eric, Owen and John who did a bunch of freestyle stuff and said they were looking for some Wu-style beats, and that’s the group that eventually became the Lake County Criminalz.

So technically, I’ve been “doing” hiphop for about nine years.  We’ve been doing hiphop together for about three of those years now.  As for you, there’re varying reports about how long you’ve been in the game; someone was just telling me that you’re the unofficial grandfather of rap, and that your first album came out back in 1971 before the genre even existed.

I have no reason not to believe that.

HJ: Which one of us gets laid the most, scientifically speaking?

DJ Squid: I’ve never actually stopped to take count.  We should each carry around one of those little clicky-tabulator things that bouncers use for the entirety of 2008 and get some raw data for that one.  If I had to estimate I’d say that you probably got laid more in 2007, but that’s really only because of that time I got hit by that cab and spent the night in the hospital while you tagged every piece of ass at the Anime Central convention in Chicago.  And to think that you were complaining about wearing that Pikachu costume.

HJ: Is it true that you make your beats using 8-tracks or is that some unconditional bullshit?

DJ Squid: Well, some people would have you believe that I make beats using SOLELY 8-tracks, and that would be unconditional bullshit.  But I do, indeed, sample 8-tracks on a fairly regular basis, which isn’t something that can be said about many other producers.  I’m attracted to that sound for the same reason most people are turned off by it: it’s gritty, washed out, unpredictable and of notoriously low quality.  Plus, there’s something profoundly deep about not having a rewind function—if you bought an album on 8-track back in the day, it better be one you liked enough to listen to the whole way through just so you could get back to that #1 radio hit.

The first album I ever bought was Meatloaf’s “Bat Out of Hell.” I spent $3.75 of hard-earned allowance on the 8-track and a shitty old player to put it in, and the rest is history.  Since getting into the DJ thing I’ve gone out of my way to buy mint-condition players, recorders, player/recorders and, of course, more blank 8-tracks than you can shake a stick at.  I actually have a bunch of tracks lined up for a series of EPs called “Str8-2-8,” which will be a special edition line released solely on 8-track for the collectors.

HJ: Has growing up in Gary, Indiana made you into a more insane person?

DJ Squid: The answer to that question is invariably YES.  A lot of people, especially the imaginary ones I meet on the internet, seem to have trouble believing I’m even from such a ridiculous place.  And in all honesty, if I was them and I told me that I was from Gary(you still with me?) I would be disinclined to believe myself.  Until just a year or so ago, it was the nation’s most dangerous city for a long time running.  Granted, I grew up around Miller Beach, which is a pretty nice area, but the projects at Ivanhoe weren’t too far away and in high school I was the delegate who had to go down there and score us grass.  You can imagine, a lot of the time I was a walking target—being a skinny white hipster nerd with thick glasses is the same as wearing a shirt that says “MUG ME!” in that kind of neighborhood.  Thankfully, there’s been a slight surge in the economy over the past couple of years, and our Mayor Rudolph Clay has been spearheading a lot of initiatives to bring Gary back up to speed.

HJ: Would you describe yourself as a surrealist?

DJ Squid: I suppose we should start with the dictionary definition of “surrealism"…

HJ: I’m not going to print that.

DJ Squid: Ultimately, if I’m reading this correctly, surrealism is just an excuse to be as obtuse as you like without having to answer for how inane or stupid your work is.  So in that case, yes.  Yes, for fuck’s sake, I’m a surrealist.  I’ll use any excuse to break the bonds of reason and moral preoccupation.  Including the death of a family member.

HJ: What’s your best sex story ever, in less than six sentences?

DJ Squid: You remember that time we were at that party in Aspen, and we ran into Larisa Oleynik by the hot tub?  I was all up in Alex Mack’s Secret World that night.  Need I say more?

HJ: If that case ever makes it to court, you probably will.  Anyways. Is your obsession with asian culture purely sexual, or is there something more?

DJ Squid: I’d say it’s about three parts of the former and one of the latter, mixed in a large bowl with a stick of butter, a tablespoon of sugar and just a dash of cardamom.  A lot of people attribute my Squid moniker to the phenomenon known as “tentacle porn,” and while I did star as an extra in the live-action stage revue of Urotsukidoji, it was more for the story to tell—it’s never really been my bag.  But I will say, that’s a hell of a story.

But seriously.  To clarify, it’s not so much Asian culture in general that I’m obsessed with as it is Japanese culture.  I can’t help my fascination.  When I was a kid I was big into ninjas and samurai, which in turn lead into a healthy giant robot obsession.  Nowadays I kind of view the entire country through that post-Hiroshima lens: their whole culture is one that was built on violence and sexuality, both of which are now heavily repressed, and on top of that they live with the stigma of being the only nation ever attacked with nuclear weapons, while still under the yolk of Westernization.  Everything they do there in terms of self-expression really clearly reflects and documents the effects of these strange origins.  I’m really nothing short of mystified by it.

HJ: Okay, let’s do a sex question. Would you eat calmari if I bought you some and got you stoned in the bathroom before you ate it?

DJ Squid: It’s actually been postulated that Giant Squid cannibalize their own kind, though it’s never been proven.  I’d say chances are high though; you know better than anyone that I’ll eat anything when I’m stoned.  You learned that the weekend you dared me to scarf that silverfish.  I still have nightmares about that sensation to this day.

DJ: What’s the best movie you’ve ever seen and why should I give a shit?

DJ Squid: “Dunston Checks In,” hands down, no competition.  You should give a shit because Rupert Everett plays a jewel thief with a trained orangutan that gets involved in all kinds of shenanigans with a hotel magnate’s bored prepubescent son.  In the end it boils down to a final, heartwrenching confrontation where Dunston must choose between the thief that raised him and the boy who has shown him the positive possibilities of life.  I give it two tentacles up.  5 stars.

HJ: Do you make more money off smuggling import vinyl, selling mushrooms, or hustling beats?

DJ Squid: Frankly, the illicit trade of import vinyl is dying out at an alarming rate.  I used to make $15,000 a year off of Isaan Ragi records and limited-run Japanese Patti LaBelle picture discs alone, but after the joint INTERPOL/CIA crackdown in Copenhagen back in 2003 a lot of the major players have decided to leave the stage and invest elsewhere.  Now I’d be lucky to make $6,000 off of that same deal.  When you take into consideration the fact that you’ll have to spend at least half that on bribes to even get the shipment into the country, it just doesn’t seem worth it.  The only reason I continue is because it’s something I’m passionate about, and more importantly it’s something I’m good at.

Since the only person I really hustle beats to aside from Aaron Carter is your broke ass, I’d say it’s safe to assume most of my yearly income could be attributed to the sale of mushrooms.  By the way, I got that quap you wanted, you can come through and scoop it tomorrow if you want.

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