Humpjones

George Carlin Drops Science on Sex in America

Posted Oct 19, 2007 1 comment

Still working on the album, folks. I’ll be back this weekend. Special thanks to Playboy Magazine for holding still while I typed this up!

PLAYBOY: What do you know now about women that you wished you knew at, say, 20 or 25?

CARLIN: Mostly it has to do with communication.  Never sit on your feelings.  Those couples who never fight, they’re the ones you have to watch out for.  Something’s got to give.  If you’re talking about picking up chicks, I was never a cunt man or swordsman or any of those things.  I was never the guy saying, “Oh boy, I’d like to fuck her.” Certaintly I would see women and think that.  But I wasn’t the guy who came into the party and immediately locked eyes with someone and then had her in the fucking coatroom the next 10 minutes.  I’m Irish Catholic, so there’s inhibition there.  I didn’t take the Catholic part very seriously as a kid, but you can’t shake the Irish part too easily.  And you know, Irish foreplay is “Brace yourself, Bridget.”

PLAYBOY: But for the sake of oral history, can you recount your hottest groupie experience?

CARLIN: I was never really that guy.  During my cocaine years I was a moron with my behavior when I was out on the road, because cocaine kicks up that sexual drive, and I did what a whole lot of people did at that time.  But I honestly don’t remember a whole lot.  Even with coke, sex had to be with someone I liked.  She had to be someone I was attracted to, not just to her ass or something like that.  So there was a degree of honor in it, albiet a very small degree.

PLAYBOY: How has the sexual landcape changed since then?

CARLIN: It’s actually a weird time for sex. Sex is all over the place in this culture.  It’s wide open.  Compared with the 1960’s, when it was merely an aspect of youth culture—free love and all that—it’s a virtual sexual carnival right now.  You’ve got the internet, strip clubs, porn stars on the radio.  Even regular television is all cleavage and legs and asses and hot policewomen on CSI.  You got into any hotel and you can buy movies in which the mailman shows up with a big hard-on and suddenly he’s fucking three women at a tupperware party—and it all goes straight to your hotel bill.

PLAYBOY: Is that progress?

CARLIN: I’m not sure.  It’s commercialism, sales, cash in somebod’s pocket, which is what this fucking country revolves around.  But at the same time we have this supercharged religious and puritanical aspect of our culture.  We are the most religious country in the world.  Europe looks at us like we’ve got dicks growing out of our foreheads.  They can’t understand what the fuck is wrong with us, with all this religious bullshit.  Let’s leave actual spirituality on the side; that’s a different thing.  You know, you get the people who say, “I’m not religious, I’m spiritual.” Fine.  But religion in this country has become a complex distortion and exploitation of the spiritual urge.  It’s ruled by charlatans who tell us what God thinks about us.  God doesn’t like our bodies, and we shouldn’t like them.  Our bodies are sinful instruments, especially the sexual parts and the bathroom parts.  Feel guilty, America.  Be afraid, America.  God wants you to be ashamed! And these opposing forces—the chaste and the unchaste, commerce and religion—battle it out.

Filed in: Zeitgeist

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