UFOs Land in Arizona, Sex Orgy Ensues
Posted Aug 28, 2007 17 comments
This is, obviously, the single most factual, honest and raw document of pure journalism you will ever read in your life ever:
Outside of Sedona Airport, on Monday, August 27th, hundreds of witnesses watched an aircraft of unknown origin and design land in front of them. Investigators are unable to determine exactly what happened next, but according to some witness accounts, strange beings emerged from the craft and addressed the crowd. There has been little agreement among witness as to the content of the message, or even what language it was delivered in.
What is known is that emergency personnel were contacted from the airfield, and upon arrival, they found something they were unprepared for. “It was damndest thing I’ve seen in the past 50 years,” said chief Joe Vernier, speaking from his office on Roadrunner Drive. According to authorities, they spent the next 2 hours breaking up and calming down a massive orgy involving nearly 500 people. Chief Vernier would not speculate on the age range, citing ongoing investigations.
Cable news coverage has been ongoing for the past 24 hours, exacerbated by internet rumors that Sedona mayor Pud Colquitt and Arizona governor Janet Napolitano were both involved.
The Brookings Report
Here’s a free secret: the US government actually doesn’t know shit about UFOs that you can’t learn by reading some Jacques Vallee and Richard Dolan
“Anthropological files contain many examples of societies, sure of their place in the universe, which have disintegrated when they had to associate with previously unfamiliar societies espousing different ideas and different life ways; others that survived such an experience usually did so by paying the price of changes in values and attitudes and behavior.”
That’s from the 1960 “Brookings Report” which laid down the “War of the Worlds” doctrine: basically, that most humans are too stupid, selfish and helpless to handle any major changes to their reality. This is the grim conclusion that many, many, many brilliant minds have made, from Plato to Jose Delgado, and I pray every fucking night that I don’t cross over to the dark side, too.
Social control is just rich people herding human cattle, and so logically enough, stampedes are a major concern. You don’t want valuable stock getting trampled in the confusion—you need them getting old so you can harvest the cancer crop through your hospitals, which are factories for turning disease into profit. OH WAIT WAS I RANTING? I was just explaining why the Rockefeller family sponsored the whole “War on the Worlds” experiment, which was not an unintentional prank but a deliberate shock test carried out by paid academics. (No, really, read all about it here.)
And of course, the Brookings Report was nothing...that was just rare, how about declassified? From the NSA, we get the barrel of laughs called “UFO HYPOTHESIS AND SURVIVAL QUESTIONS” which really thinks outside the boxcar when it comes to human herding:
Observations of chimpanzees while in a captive environment have shown that the animals tend to become confused and disoriented. Since they do not usually have adult chimps to teach them how to be good apes, they are not even sure of their behavior. Often their actions are patterned after human behavior and would have virtually no survival value in the wild. Lacking the challenge of environmental adaptation, the bodies of the animals atrophy and become subject to may diseases—mostly unknown in their wild counterparts. Reactions to stimulus usually become less responsive and suitable. Sex becomes a year-long preoccupation instead of a seasonal madness.
Do the captivity characteristics of modern civilization cause a similar lessening of man’s adaptive capability, of his health, of his ability to recognize reality, of his ability to survive?
Blue Balls on a Prison Planet
So is the end of the world going to be a huge orgy? If not, why are you sticking around waiting? On a more serious note, how signifigant is it that when primates are kept in captivity, “sex becomes a year-long preoccupation instead of a seasonal madness?” Is is crazy if I suggest that “human civilization” is functionally and effectively exactly the same as “captivity”? How much are schools different from prisons? How much are either of those institutions different from factories and military bases?
Statistically, most people reading this were born into captivity—your parents were working jobs they fucking hated and struggling through marriages they enjoyed about as much as their jobs. Recent news would appear to disagree with me: “Despite grumbling, most Americans say they are happy at work”—but once you really understand Stockholm Syndrome and social entrainment, you’ll never look at human relationships the same way again.
Here’s another free secret: polls are only useful in the negative. In other words, they’re only giving you actual information when you ask about what people don’t know. Ask them for their opinion and they’ll parrot some bullshit they don’t really understand. Ask them for their feelings and they will lie to you exactly as much as they lie to themselves. But ask them what they don’t know, and now you’re getting some actual information: exactly two-thirds of the US population polled by Newsweek in 2006 couldn’t identify what DNA was.
Fighting for humanity is a losing battle waged on behalf of herd animals who will be cheering when you get crucified, or beaten to death on pay-per-view. Just the same, it’s the only honorable game in town and I haven’t changed my mind one neuron since the last time Satan was tempting me. I’ll close with some Charles Darwin, another brilliant intellect who gave up on the human species:
With savages, the weak in body or mind are soon eliminated; and those that survive commonly exhibit a vigorous state of health. We civilized men, on the other hand, do our utmost to check the process of elimination; we build asylums for the imbecile, the maimed, and the sick; we institute poor-laws and our medical men exert their utmost skill to save the life of every one to the last moment…Thus the weak members of civilised societies propagate their kind. No one who has attended to the breeding of domestic animals will doubt that this must be highly injurious to the race of man.
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Filed in: Zeitgeist
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Comments
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1. joe on Aug 28, 2007 at 8:57 PM permalink
lol WTFFFF ,this cant b really real.the orgy?
2. Humpasaur on Aug 28, 2007 at 9:16 PM permalink
What can I say, man? I don’t write the news, I just report the facts.
3. Ray on Aug 29, 2007 at 2:20 AM permalink
Would it also be crazy to suggest that this captivity creates a huge spring of unconscious anger that the zookeepers manage to tap in order to perpetuate the captivity? By that I mean playing races, classes, relgions, etc. against each other.
Does the force needed to break an entrainment need to be at least equal to the force it’s trying to affect, or just enough to nudge things out of whack?
4. Tommy D-rings on Aug 29, 2007 at 2:47 AM permalink
So Devo had more to say about the condition of society than just that nobody’s hats were as cool as theirs.
5. Rob on Aug 29, 2007 at 3:55 AM permalink
I’ve been searching around for more info on the Sedona incident. Do you have a link to your source for the photo and the article?
Thanks!
6. The Count on Aug 29, 2007 at 5:02 AM permalink
Same here, buddy. I can’t find shit about it. Care to back it up?
7. Humpasaur on Aug 29, 2007 at 1:42 PM permalink
Did you all take me seriously? Let me say again:
“This is, obviously, the single most factual, honest and raw document of pure journalism you will ever read in your life ever.”
When I offer a disclaimer that long and vehement, and I DON’T GIVE A LINK—how often do I not give a link?—that should be setting off alarm bells. If you’re not finding it anywhere else, that should be the final nail in the coffin.
8. anti_material on Aug 29, 2007 at 1:49 PM permalink
yeah man, I agree with that darwin is talking about. its common sense. I used to tell people these things, not forgetting my love for all and compassion for all the starving kids in the world. It could make a person sound heartless. if I have an opinion that I believe to be right, is it not equal to the focked opinions of Kellog and these other cats? being that everyone thinks their way is THE way, everybody thinks they are right which makes all other opinions wrong.
I know that I’m right most of the time. its just a waste of time trying to convince everybody else of that. I watch and listen humble as everyone around me argues. they are all right and they are all wrong. it all depends on your perspective.
ive learned to not say whats on my mind if if the people aroung dont already agree with what I’m saying in a way, or accept me for who i am knowing that ill say some crazy shit sometimes.
I dont like keeping my thougths inside, but most people dont get it anyway.
9. Humpasaur on Aug 29, 2007 at 1:49 PM permalink
Ray, that was a truly fucking expansive comment! I really dig that angle. I’ve been interested by the recent stories about the fear of death and it’s role in making decisions and political races, and the implications are wild—this might be an actual formula of social control:
http://www.rigorousintuition.ca/board/viewtopic.php?t=12996
10. Bling Finger on Aug 29, 2007 at 4:59 PM permalink
UHHHH, yup that tipped me off that you were 100% full of shit on this one. Although I DO know, there’s always lot of cynicism coming from behind that Chuck Norris chest-mane of yours, you sarcastic bastard.
Oh that and incredibly realistic picture of the fighter jet/UFO, yeah… I totally believed you about the aliens inducing a massive orgy…
11. Senator Knee Hi on Aug 30, 2007 at 12:27 PM permalink
Damnit, Mr. Jones. Less ‘bating, more Humping. A little lickey tickle of a fictional orgy isn’t nearly enough foreplay to forgive the sexless wonder of this treatise.
And I quote:
“Here is what you should expect in the immediate future from Hump Jones dot com: sex. There is absolutely nothing else you should ever expect from Hump Jones dot com in the future.”
So sex me up, already. I know where to go for brain food, rage, wonder, confusion and boggling of the mind. I come here for sex, damnit. Juicy, bouncy, twisted, tantric, primal, sweaty, scary, trancendent SEX.
So let your kundalini off the leash, Uncle Hump, and LETS GET IT ON!
12. Humpasaur on Aug 30, 2007 at 2:00 PM permalink
What are you, kidding me? You seriously don’t see the sex? Is year-round human sexuality a biological adaptation or a cultural adaptation? In other words, is it because we lost our fur or because our culture is built around prisons and captivity? This is definitely dark material, but it undeniably sex. I think college is already beginning to affect you.
13. Bling Finger on Aug 30, 2007 at 4:08 PM permalink
Me too, damnit!
If it weren’t for the whole massive orgy angle you had, I could have sworn you posted a Skilluminati article here by accident.
Of course once I realized you were completely full of shit (within the first sentence) I knew it had to be the one of the only one of two Hump Joneses.
14. Senator Knee Hi on Aug 30, 2007 at 6:07 PM permalink
Great. Sex In Captivity. Let’s go with that. Does procreation-free sex have anything to do with questions of evolution, survival or primal behavior or is Darwin excluded from our discussion? Sex for pleasure: for the mind or for the body (and why do dolphins do it?) Does the suffering we endure with unwilling social conformity heighten the pleasures we feel in rebel sex? Conformity, misery, dissatisfaction; can these things become erotic? Are they already? See what I’m sayin’, Mr.Jones?
15. Humpasaur on Aug 30, 2007 at 6:25 PM permalink
Woman, you just poached so much of the article I’m working on RIGHT NOW that I’m tempted to delete your comment...needless to say, yeah, those questions are being answered.
16. Ray on Aug 30, 2007 at 8:00 PM permalink
Thanks for that link to the fear of death article, Hump. The next thing that comes to mind is; what is driving the people/organizations who use these techniques? The same fear? Where, if anywhere, does the neurotic merry-go-round end?
I know, probably at a massive orgy in Arizona.
17. Senator Knee Hi on Aug 31, 2007 at 11:39 AM permalink
Sorry Uncle Hump. Now that each minute of my life has a definite dollar value, I tend to get impatient quite a bit more often. Plus your damn circle-jerk of websites are pretty much the only thing that’s keeping me from curling into a corner of my bedroom, rocking back and forth with my thumb in my mouth muttering in bastard latin.