The Sex Lives of Scientologists Exposed

Posted May 08, 2007 28 comments

L Ron Hubbard Thetan Wrangler World Savior“Stupidity is the unknowingness of consideration.”

That’s an axiom of Scientology.  Look at the beauty of that sentence, and taste the perfection as it rolls around in your mouth when you say it aloud.  When I say it’s too easy to make Scientology look like a cynical cult, that’s nothing special.  It’s like saying I can make George W. Bush look like he’s really the President of the United States.  Yeah. Think about that metaphor. It’s going to keep me out jail someday.

There’s no denying Hubbard was a poet, though, and I’d be hard pressed to sum up this whole Hump Jones enterprise better than “unknowingness of consideration.” He nailed it in one take, that sly fox.  With that axiom as our guiding dog-star, let’s take a drug-addled, distorted and hopefully lawsuit-worthy look at the sex lives of Scientologists.

L. Ron Hubbard Died for Your Sins

When Hubbard felt like being honest, he really was a poet.  Here’s a core line from one of his “internal documents”, called Technique 88:

THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN CONTROL PEOPLE IS TO LIE TO THEM. You can write that down in your book in great big letters. The only way you can control anybody is to lie to them.

As a level VII Operating Thetan with more experience than Hubbard, who put all his cult eggs in a single Dianetic basket, I can assure you of a Horrible Truth:

You can’t even control people when you lie to them.

You just make their average behavior more predictable—which of course makes their anomalous behavior exponentially weirder and harder to predict or control.  Perhaps this is beyond the scope of a sex blog, though.

Secret Societies, Information Theory, and Haterade

Church of Spiritual TechnologySo when you’re dealing with an organization whose Holy Scriptures are copyrighted, classified, and referred to as ”Spiritual Technology”—it can be difficult to piece together anything resembling the truth.  In case you didn’t realize, I’m not exaggerating about the level of secrecy and effort behind Scientology’s “Techonology”—in fact I am understating the situation:

The Church of Spiritual Techonolgy oversees the Scientology scriptural archiving project, which aims to preserve the works of Hubbard on stainless steel tablets and encased in titanium capsules in specially constructed vaults throughout the world. The most famous example is the Trementina Base, an underground vault built into a mountainside near Trementina, New Mexico. It is marked by a CST logo visible only from a high altitude and was built in the late 1980s.

Internal Revenue Service records show that Scientologists spent $13 million in 1992 to preserve Hubbard’s fiction and non-fiction writings on 1.8 million stainless steel discs, and recorded his lectures on 187,000 nickel records.

Fortunately, objectivity and reality are both on the Shit List here at Hump Jones Dot Com, which allows me to just quote some unsubstantiated rumors like this:

...after continuing with Scientology for a while, members read a Scientology bulletin called “Pain and Sex”, which states that sex is unnatural for humans and a perversion, and that sex was invented by psychiatrists millions of years ago to trap us. It says that “pain and sex were the INVENTED TOOLS of degradation” created by psychiatrists, and “the stocks-in-trade of psychs are PAIN and SEX.”

As cults go, this is not even all that weird—but is it true?  Does the infamous “Pain and Sex” bulletin exist—and can I get a copy? YES, and YES, Dear Reader --- and I got the copy in PDF format, so now you can have it, too.  You can see why preserving Hubbard’s writing is the most important project humanity has even undertaken when you read passages like this one:

Destructive creatures who do not want people big or reaching—since they are terrified of punishment due to their crimes—invented pain and sex to shrink people and cut of their alertness, knowingness, power and reach.

Thus, you see people who are “experiencing” either pain or sex introverting and not producing much.

Pain and sex were the INVENTED tools of degradation.

That’s just the intro, you can peruse the rest yourself—and be sure to save that PDF to your hard drive because I will probably get a copyright notice from Sceintologists at some point in the future.

Silence in the Bedroom

As much as I’d love to tell you about some weird sex rituals, Scientology advocates perfectly normal lovemaking.  The one exception being, you’re not supposed to talk or make any noises.  The concept here is to avoid Engrams—painful unconscious memories that totally define us and shape our lives.  It’s a curious concept—that the first speech humans hear will control the rest of our lives.  And having sex in total silence is a curious way to deal with that problem—wouldn’t it be better to talk about happy things while you do The Happy Thing?  If Engrams are so powerful they affect the rest of your child’s life, why not fill them up with life-positive Engrams?  Is thinking logically a mistake here?

Well, shit, ask Lisa McPherson.  Or ask a celebrity:

Tom Cruise Hottest Gay Man AliveSex is about the connection. Great sex is a by-product, for me, of a great relationship, where you have communication and it’s an extension of that. Where it’s just free. And that’s how it should be. It’s spectacular. If you’re not in good communication with your partner, it’s really horrible and pathetic and lonely.

But hey, that’s Tom Cruise...we can’t take that rabid little dwarf too seriously.  As a far more experienced and wise man once noted: “When sex is good, it’s great.  When sex is bad...well, it’s still pretty good.”

No Homos Allowed

“The sexual pervert (and by this term Dianetics, to be brief, includes any and all forms of deviation in Dynamic Two such as homosexuality, lesbianism, sexual sadism, etc) is actually quite ill physically. ... And the sum of it is that the pervert is always a very ill person in one way or another, whether he is conscious of it or not. He is very far from culpable for his condition, but he is also so far from normal and so extremely dangerous to society that the tolerance of perversion is as thoroughly bad for society as punishment for it.

Does that even make sense? I mean, sure, he’s talking in a disapproving way about gay folks...but what is he saying?  This passage from Dianetics has been held up many times as proof that Hubbard is homophobic, but I think it’s being very generous to say that L. Ron Hubbard is even making a coherent point in that passage.  “Tolerance of perversion is as thoroughly bad for society as punishment for it”—if you can tell me what that means, I’d love to hear from you.

I don’t know if I exposed their sex lives, but I don’t think I’d want to even if I could.  It’s a fine line between critical investigation and just mocking what’s different.  This is just the surface, though, things will get even more interesting tomorrow when we look at Hubbard’s sex life and his occult roots.

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  • 1. JOnathan on May 08, 2007 at 1:21 PM permalink

    "Tolerance of perversion is as thoroughly bad for society as punishment for it”

    this means to say many things. firstly, it has to be a brainwashing technique, since the phrazing would make the thinkers associated with scientology go nutz trying to understand the meaning of a rather meaningless phraze that is two words short of saying “you cant live with them or commit genociede against them.”

  • 2. George on May 08, 2007 at 1:27 PM permalink

    So, we shouldn’t have perverts in society, but if you know any perverts, you shouldn’t tolerate them?
    Damn you, Scientology, and your alien ways, and, damn you, Hump Jones, for feeding me with plenty of perversion.
    I don’t know whether to shit or go blind?

  • 3. Natalie on May 08, 2007 at 1:29 PM permalink

    I still don’t understand “Stupidity is the unknowingness of consideration.” What’s another way of saying that?

  • 4. Lee Soarez on May 08, 2007 at 1:48 PM permalink

    "pork knocking the bacon!” seems to me.
    Thanx for the links yo!


  • 5. Aleister Crotchrocket on May 08, 2007 at 1:56 PM permalink

    Oh man, they are gonna jump all over you for this one.

  • 6. Humpasaur Jones on May 08, 2007 at 2:16 PM permalink

    I really think Hubbard’s wife might have been right—perhaps the dude really was a paranoid schizophrenic, his language patterns would fit the diagnosis.

  • 7. DM on May 08, 2007 at 2:17 PM permalink

    I am probably going to have to answer this in the not so perverted future.  It’s 4:16 and I want to masturbate with a whip and a pick axe!


  • 8. miqel on May 08, 2007 at 2:59 PM permalink

    Hubbard is only poetic in the sense that the fumbles with his use of language quite a bit, creating phrases that sound like they actually contain meaning.

    After reading a bit of their literature and some of the lectures that Hubbard did, it seems to me he had a lot of trouble explaining his thoughts & concepts in a coherent way.

    “Stupidity is the unknowingness of consideration.” By this he is saying that stupidity is the existence of relevant data left out of the consideration of an idea or situation. I can’t find another 6 word sentence to say that, but his phrasing still bugs me. I don’t find it to be illuminating, but instead very amateur, clumsy & difficult to read.
    That’s why it makes me laugh so hard when they promote him as the greatest author, linguist and philosopher of ALL TIME, lol.
    When first lookng into Scientology and wondering WTF they were about, I read some of their phamplets and books AND STILL HAD NO CLUE WHAT THE POINT WAS! Then later i realized their point was NOT to make SENSE or provide valid philosophy, but to accumulate MONEY amd seeming POWER.

    anyway, i don’t hate scientologists as individuals - but do find their ‘religion’ to be 98% annoying & pathetic.

  • 9. miqel on May 08, 2007 at 3:03 PM permalink

    and YES - my critique above of Hubbard’s ability to use language contains numerous typos and whatnot.
    Maybe that means i’m qualified to be a Scientologist too smile

  • 10. Humpasaur Jones on May 08, 2007 at 3:17 PM permalink

    About an hour ago, I was mocking a buddy of mine for some bad sleeping.  I totally meant to say “spelling”, but lo and behold, I got a typo right on the crux of it....then I realized, I was just being an asshole.

    But Hubbard, man....what a monster. It is beyond insane to me that people hold his writing in such veneration.  For real, there is nothing anywhere on this planet, not nuclear annihilation, not biowarfare agonizing death, not the loss of loved one, nothing that gives me a chill as deep as contemplating this kind of thing.  Like how the Catholic Church is still around, or how people think any war the US has undertaken since the 1940s was anything but a cynical lie, or how they’re putting down Hubbard’s writing on titanium and burying it underground…

    ...thanks Eris for beers in the fridge.

  • 11. JohnTravoltaindrag on May 08, 2007 at 3:45 PM permalink

    L. Ron Hubbard’s laughable “Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health” defines homosexuality as a “sexual perversion.” Scientologist Ruth Minshull elaborated on the cult’s views in a 1972 book in which she wrote:

    “Homosexuals don’t practice love; 1.1s can’t. Their relationships consist of: 1) brief, sordid and impersonal meetings or 2) longer arrangements punctuated by dramatic tirades, discords, jealousies and frequent infidelity. It could hardly be otherwise since the tone is made up of suspicion and hate, producing a darling sweetness interspersed with petty peevishness. Their ‘love’ turns to deep contempt eventually.”

    and Hubbard had an answer for that.

    “The only answers would seem to be the permanent quarantine of such [’1.1, or covertly hostile, low-toned’] persons from society to avoid the contagion of their insanities and the general turbulence which they bring into any order, thus forcing it lower on the scale, or processing such person until they have attained a level on the tone scale which gives them value.

    In any event, any person from 2.0 down on the tone scale should not have, in any thinking society, any civil rights of any kind, because by abusing those rights he brings into being arduous and strenuous laws which are oppressive to those who need no such restraints.”


    “There are only two answers for the handling of people from 2.0 down on the tone scale, neither one of which has anything to do with reasoning with them or listening to their justification of their acts. The first is to raise them on the tone scale by un-enturbulating some of their theta by any one of the three valid processes. The other is to dispose of them quietly and without sorrow.”


    “The sudden and abrupt deletion of all individuals occupying the lower bands of the tone scale from the social order would result in an almost instant rise in the cultural tone and would interrupt the dwindling spiral into which any society may have entered. It is not necessary to produce a world of clears in order to have a reasonable and worthwhile social order; it is only necessary to delete those individuals who range from 2.0 down, either by processing them enough to get their tone level above the 2.0 line - a task which, indeed, is not very great, since the amount of processing in many cases might be under fifty hours, although it might also in others be in excess of two hundred - or simply quarantining them from the society.”

  • 12. Thanaton on May 08, 2007 at 3:54 PM permalink

    You know,
    This is really funny and scientologists are an easy target but I’m still yet to see any evidence that they’re in any way crazier than Christians, Muslims, Jews, Mormons, etc. I mean seriously, at leat they can read stuff written by their guru. Mel Gibson’s nuttier than Tom Cruise by a long shot. The only reason no one else feels this way is that these other religions are wider reaching, not because they’re any less insane.

  • 13. miqel on May 08, 2007 at 3:59 PM permalink

    "You can’t even control people when you lie to them.”

    Praise ERIS & BOB! This is totally true! You nailed it!
    ... and this fact will hopefully be what prevents successful implementation of the many competing fascist world-control systems. Too much enforced order always increases the entropy rate of a system.

    Silly Illuminati, it’s not “from chaos we will create order” - order actually creates chaos. Give up! Chaos won already.

  • 14. BobbyDobkins on May 08, 2007 at 4:25 PM permalink

    Praise Bob!

  • 15. shivalotus on May 08, 2007 at 5:15 PM permalink

    “Tolerance of perversion is as thoroughly bad for society as punishment for it”

    It would seem to me that the option that is left would be something along the lines of Vernichtung.

  • 16. Ikipr on May 08, 2007 at 9:48 PM permalink

    I always thought this provided a very adequate description of Hubbards evil sex magick and a general concept of Babalon Working too:

  • 17. Sage on May 09, 2007 at 12:36 AM permalink

    Ah yes, L. Ron...crazy MFer. He probably did it all.
    Everything from taking testosterone shots mixed with massive amounts of barbiturates and alcohol while writing OT3 to hardcore studying of Thelemic works and appointing himself anti-christ/messiah…

    Oh yeah, let us not forget claiming scientific degrees/military backgrounds he didn’t have, infiltrating the FBI, writing a brainwashing manual, cheating on his wife, becoming a boyscout, committing grand theft several times, publishing some 1,000+ works (both fiction and “non-fiction")....etc.

    And of course the mother of them all, he started his own cult that caries on that message to this today. Sounds like a pretty full life if you ask me.

    Oh hey, while we are on the subject...Is it just me or do most of the OT materials sound like rough drafts of Mission Earth novels? hahah

  • 18. Weasel85 on May 09, 2007 at 6:56 AM permalink

    “Tolerance of perversion is as thoroughly bad for society as punishment for it” - yeah, this only makes sense if he is promoting either complete ignorance of the perversion, as in, acknowledging the existence of the ‘perverts’ (through tolerance or punishment) is harmful to the rest of society because it exposes them to the idea, or he is promoting capital punishment as a solution.  Scary either way.

  • 19. Natalie on May 09, 2007 at 12:43 PM permalink

    Thanks for your explanation of the “stupidity” quote, Miqel. I get it now—yesterday my stoned and addled brain thought there might be more meaning to this malformed phrase than there actually is. I thought I was getting stupider. smile

    The Scientology presence in LA/Hollywood never ceases to horrify and amaze me. It’s so visible, so huge, so WEIRD. Check out the Juliette Lewis sponsored “Psychiatry Kills” exhibit next time you’re on Hollywood Blvd. Or stroll down the official city street “L. Ron Hubbard Way” which bisects one of the church’s large compounds. The cult of celebrity and the cult of Scientology go together nicely. Scientology is just quirky and new and unusual enough to make celebs feel special and different and elite when they adopt it as their religion. In turn, celebrities give Scientology the money, presence and credibility that the church desires.

  • 20. Lucky Loo on May 09, 2007 at 1:00 PM permalink

    To the “tolerance/punishment” bit is to say that the only solution is to CHANGE the freaks, maybe? Not a clue. This was a good read, and it didn’t help me get any closer to understanding Scientology. Win-win!

  • 21. DM on May 09, 2007 at 1:54 PM permalink

    I really thought about and it and it made perfect sense 0=0

    Later Bud!

    Whats one consenting pervert to another!


  • 22. miqel on May 09, 2007 at 3:32 PM permalink

    hey Natalie,
    it’s like that here too (Nashville Tn). I live near “Music Row” which is the strip where many of the major studios, music lawyers and hotshot hangouts are. The Scientologists ALWAYS target this area with flyers, phamplets and creepy stuff like “special free invitations” to view some stupid $$cientology brainwashing film about how “RON” is the peak of human evolution.
    They definitely target the high profile & wealthy individuals around here. also you may notice that everywhere Scientology has an outreac place it’s called “Celebrity Centre” - I thought that was actually the name of some building downtown, until i noticed it was only the scientology place calling itself that. They apparently target insecure people who want to be celebrities too.
    ps. i’m not 100% sur eon my interpretation of his quote on stupidity. only Ron knows for sure because he’s so fuckin evolved we can’t even understand what he’s saying. Ever heard the way he pronounces “Galaxy” ... it’s super funny! it’s like Ga-LACK-SEEY
    i’ve got a copy, lol!!
    you can find plenty more “unknowingness of consideration” here at OPERATION CLAMBAKE

  • 23. miqel on May 09, 2007 at 3:53 PM permalink

    Oh, ok .. i can’t resist posting this MP3 too!
    Download and start your own personal ‘whacked out guru lectures’ collection.

    It settles any disputes over Hubbard’s ability to lucidly articulate his deepest philosophical ideas during OT III lectures.
    Can anyone name what drugs he’s on? Whoa ...
    Personal favorite insane RANT from Ron ... trying to explain God and the MEST universe (MEST=matter/energy/space/time)

    here’s part of the text, but it’s his DELIVERY that sounds totally INSANE!!
    “God naturally exists, because there’s all this space around here, and this space is obviously surviving, so of course it’s obviously surviving, of course space itself is liable to collapse but the Prime Mover Unmoved is not liable to collapse, because he created all this and maybe he can’t either, and nobody yet has come up with as flat a ‘can’t survive’, as ‘God will never again be able to create anothe MEST universe’. But if we mentioned it brother, it would be out in the streets.”
    L. R. Hubbard, From “Assessment, Memories, Ridges”, Exteriorization and the Phenomena of Space. 27 October 1953:

  • 24. Petkov on May 10, 2007 at 2:38 AM permalink

    So there is some idiots who thing Hubbard was the greatest philosopher/prophet of all time. So what? How is that any different from the idiots who STILL believe in some stone age god for example or the other idiots believe there really IS such thing as Al Queda or that 9-11 was the work of some bearded Ai-Rab living in a cave in Afganistan? Or the idiots who
    think Shrub Jer is defending America? Or the millions of people who go to various churches and pray to drawings on the wall? SO the world is FILLED with idiots, so what? Is that any news to any thinking human being?
    The trick is to find YOUR own iditic bullshit BS like R A Wilson would say and to work on eliminating that. Screw them idiots. Or is talking about Scientologists a way to make oneself feel superior?

  • 25. matthewfire on May 10, 2007 at 4:55 AM permalink

    The issue goes a bit deeper then Idiocy, me thinks. From what I’ve gathered of the humpjones experience...there’s a tendency to look for causes, open discussion, and dissect an issue so as to better understand it, the people involved with it and the tactile motion and activity that sets the scenario up in the first place. If in reading it, the only sensible conclusion you can draw is “it seems like they’re idiots, so what.” Isn’t it YOU who could use a little more direction in the discussion? Just a general observation, take it or leave it.

  • 26. Moopymoop on May 10, 2007 at 7:05 AM permalink

    Petkov - all well and good but Scientology is a fucked up scamcult with global control in the objective and this is backed up and confirmed by documents seized by the fbi.

  • 27. Humpasaur Jones on May 10, 2007 at 9:36 AM permalink


  • 28. radiantlovebeing on May 10, 2007 at 5:06 PM permalink

    Gosh. Sometimes it just seems like ALL media content is an attempt to mess with your mind and the most ethical thing to do is...oh, Humpasaur Jones, you are a rascal.