The Sex Lives of Scientologists Exposed
Posted May 08, 2007 28 comments
“Stupidity is the unknowingness of consideration.”
That’s an axiom of Scientology. Look at the beauty of that sentence, and taste the perfection as it rolls around in your mouth when you say it aloud. When I say it’s too easy to make Scientology look like a cynical cult, that’s nothing special. It’s like saying I can make George W. Bush look like he’s really the President of the United States. Yeah. Think about that metaphor. It’s going to keep me out jail someday.
There’s no denying Hubbard was a poet, though, and I’d be hard pressed to sum up this whole Hump Jones enterprise better than “unknowingness of consideration.” He nailed it in one take, that sly fox. With that axiom as our guiding dog-star, let’s take a drug-addled, distorted and hopefully lawsuit-worthy look at the sex lives of Scientologists.
L. Ron Hubbard Died for Your Sins
When Hubbard felt like being honest, he really was a poet. Here’s a core line from one of his “internal documents”, called Technique 88:
THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN CONTROL PEOPLE IS TO LIE TO THEM. You can write that down in your book in great big letters. The only way you can control anybody is to lie to them.
As a level VII Operating Thetan with more experience than Hubbard, who put all his cult eggs in a single Dianetic basket, I can assure you of a Horrible Truth:
You just make their average behavior more predictable—which of course makes their anomalous behavior exponentially weirder and harder to predict or control. Perhaps this is beyond the scope of a sex blog, though.
Secret Societies, Information Theory, and Haterade
So when you’re dealing with an organization whose Holy Scriptures are copyrighted, classified, and referred to as ”Spiritual Technology”—it can be difficult to piece together anything resembling the truth. In case you didn’t realize, I’m not exaggerating about the level of secrecy and effort behind Scientology’s “Techonology”—in fact I am understating the situation:
The Church of Spiritual Techonolgy oversees the Scientology scriptural archiving project, which aims to preserve the works of Hubbard on stainless steel tablets and encased in titanium capsules in specially constructed vaults throughout the world. The most famous example is the Trementina Base, an underground vault built into a mountainside near Trementina, New Mexico. It is marked by a CST logo visible only from a high altitude and was built in the late 1980s.
Internal Revenue Service records show that Scientologists spent $13 million in 1992 to preserve Hubbard’s fiction and non-fiction writings on 1.8 million stainless steel discs, and recorded his lectures on 187,000 nickel records.
Fortunately, objectivity and reality are both on the Shit List here at Hump Jones Dot Com, which allows me to just quote some unsubstantiated rumors like this:
...after continuing with Scientology for a while, members read a Scientology bulletin called “Pain and Sex”, which states that sex is unnatural for humans and a perversion, and that sex was invented by psychiatrists millions of years ago to trap us. It says that “pain and sex were the INVENTED TOOLS of degradation” created by psychiatrists, and “the stocks-in-trade of psychs are PAIN and SEX.”
As cults go, this is not even all that weird—but is it true? Does the infamous “Pain and Sex” bulletin exist—and can I get a copy? YES, and YES, Dear Reader --- and I got the copy in PDF format, so now you can have it, too. You can see why preserving Hubbard’s writing is the most important project humanity has even undertaken when you read passages like this one:
Destructive creatures who do not want people big or reaching—since they are terrified of punishment due to their crimes—invented pain and sex to shrink people and cut of their alertness, knowingness, power and reach.
Thus, you see people who are “experiencing” either pain or sex introverting and not producing much.
Pain and sex were the INVENTED tools of degradation.
That’s just the intro, you can peruse the rest yourself—and be sure to save that PDF to your hard drive because I will probably get a copyright notice from Sceintologists at some point in the future.
Silence in the Bedroom
As much as I’d love to tell you about some weird sex rituals, Scientology advocates perfectly normal lovemaking. The one exception being, you’re not supposed to talk or make any noises. The concept here is to avoid Engrams—painful unconscious memories that totally define us and shape our lives. It’s a curious concept—that the first speech humans hear will control the rest of our lives. And having sex in total silence is a curious way to deal with that problem—wouldn’t it be better to talk about happy things while you do The Happy Thing? If Engrams are so powerful they affect the rest of your child’s life, why not fill them up with life-positive Engrams? Is thinking logically a mistake here?
Well, shit, ask Lisa McPherson. Or ask a celebrity:
Sex is about the connection. Great sex is a by-product, for me, of a great relationship, where you have communication and it’s an extension of that. Where it’s just free. And that’s how it should be. It’s spectacular. If you’re not in good communication with your partner, it sucks...it’s really horrible and pathetic and lonely.
But hey, that’s Tom Cruise...we can’t take that rabid little dwarf too seriously. As a far more experienced and wise man once noted: “When sex is good, it’s great. When sex is bad...well, it’s still pretty good.”
No Homos Allowed
“The sexual pervert (and by this term Dianetics, to be brief, includes any and all forms of deviation in Dynamic Two such as homosexuality, lesbianism, sexual sadism, etc) is actually quite ill physically. ... And the sum of it is that the pervert is always a very ill person in one way or another, whether he is conscious of it or not. He is very far from culpable for his condition, but he is also so far from normal and so extremely dangerous to society that the tolerance of perversion is as thoroughly bad for society as punishment for it.”
Does that even make sense? I mean, sure, he’s talking in a disapproving way about gay folks...but what is he saying? This passage from Dianetics has been held up many times as proof that Hubbard is homophobic, but I think it’s being very generous to say that L. Ron Hubbard is even making a coherent point in that passage. “Tolerance of perversion is as thoroughly bad for society as punishment for it”—if you can tell me what that means, I’d love to hear from you.
I don’t know if I exposed their sex lives, but I don’t think I’d want to even if I could. It’s a fine line between critical investigation and just mocking what’s different. This is just the surface, though, things will get even more interesting tomorrow when we look at Hubbard’s sex life and his occult roots.
Filed in: Zeitgeist
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