Humpjones

The Ratzinger Option: Catholic Cancer in the Global Brain

Posted Sep 16, 2007 9 comments

Pope Herr RatzingerGod bless the Pope.  I mean the dude currently holding that position: Herr Ratzinger. He is truly a man of his times—the previous pontiff was a dinosaur leftover who caught on too late, the Eisenhower of Popes.  In 2007, though, the Vatican has very much caught up with reality. Now we have a Pope without shame, who is evil in public and still adored by thronging millions around the world. 

I don’t even want to get into it—the stolen gold, the Hitler stuff, the Inquisition, the relentless warfare, the Mafia connection, whatever.  You got The Internets, you can look it up. I’m just thinking sideways about the curious Catholic schizophrenia towards sex.  I honestly can’t figure it out, but maybe it’s because I don’t want to—I can’t let myself accept that humans can be programmed, controlled, duped so easily.  Then I think: wow, I’ve got a lot of people reading my bullshit...maybe it is possible, after all.”

Fucking Liberals

Pope Sandwich Bush I Reagan

Sure, we could be feeding the world and providing free energy with algae, but Ratzinger has more important issues on his mind: breeding quotas. He chastized the European Union for being “child poor”—no, really, he did.

“Europe has become child-poor. We want everything for ourselves and place little trust in the future. The earth will be deprived of a future only when the forces of the human heart and of reason illuminated by the heart are extinguished. Where God is, there is the future.”

Pope

Herr Ratzinger only looks like the Antichrist—he’s just a figurehead for the storefront, a paid monkey with the finest robes in the zoo.  And to be honest, the whole operation has been suffering for awhile now...they ruled the world and it seriously fried them, like a bad acid trip, serious sunstroke and a blown lightbulb.  They find jokes threatening and treat real threats like jokes—bear witness:

“...enlighten the people about Harry Potter, because there are subtle seductions, that act unconsciously, deeply distorting Christianity in the soul, before it can properly grow.”

“This is the dawning of the Age of Bavaria.” Or another classic threat to their continued existence:

“The various forms of the dissolution of matrimony today, like free unions, trial marriages...by people of the same sex, are rather expressions of an anarchic freedom that wrongly passes for true freedom of man.”

Liberals, Fucking

I’m all about the aikido.  I contest with nothing, and thus I cannot be defeated.  I focus on growing seeds into raging organisms—if those raging organisms happen to overthrow every government in the world and declare a mandatory anarchist utopia, then shucks.  That was interesting.

There comes a point when it is nescessary to fight back, though—such as when your opponent has you pinned to the ground while they repeatedly punch you.  Another example would be when your opponent has way, way more kids than you do.  Now, let me be clear. It’s true that as the standard of living increases, primate birth rates decrease, from orangutan to homo sapiens. It’s also true that as child mortality rates go up, birth rates go back up, too—keep that in mind when you consider the genetics of the Iraq War:

What is often missing from America’s increasingly recriminatory debate over Iraq is how isolated are the communities that bear most of the human cost. The Pentagon does not disclose the socio-economic background of the 25,000 US soldiers who have been killed or wounded in Iraq.

But a breakdown of their ethnicity and states of origins shows they are overwhelmingly white and from small towns in the interior states of mid-America and the South.

Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars put it very bluntly: human animal husbandry. To get a field to grow, burn it.  To increase population base, start a war and keep a front line going for years after the war is over.  I’m not saying it’s deliberate, but I’m not assuming it’s accidental, either.  This is the Ratzinger Option: when you face defeat, step up the breeding. Catholics aren’t interested in conversions so much as they’re after born faithful, children who have been raised with Catholic blueprints to lead Catholic lives. 

Pope Sandwich Nixon Kennedy Cheney

War of the Magicians

“If Buddhism is attractive, it’s only because it suggests that by belonging to it you can touch the infinite, and you can have joy without concrete religious obligations. It’s spiritually self-indulgent eroticism.

In the 1950s someone said that the undoing of the Catholic church in the 20th century wouldn’t come from Marxism but from Buddhism. They were right.”

Me, I’m just on the frontlines for Eris these days.  Ratzinger was the Enforcer, and Buddhism has been a threat to the Western World from the beginning.  Early translations of Tibetian holy texts were so bad that Adolf Hitler seriously believed the Buddha was a white warrior king.  If you can’t laugh at that, you’re probably not Buddhist.  It’s still funny, though, just like pretty much everything humans do.  Life is a gigantic wheel, we sow our Karma and we reap our Karma, and ten billion enlightened beings float outside the mandala, laughing for eternity at the beauty of it all.

The rest of us wake up with hangovers, have our souls crushed and our hearts broken, get hit by cars, and occasionally get a good price on a great bag of weed.  The irony, synchronicity and beauty of Sunday, September 16th is this: I started out writing a tirade against the Catholic faith, but here I am, bathed in white light, freshly shaved, and dressed in a damn nice outfit. To top it off, I’m seeking union with Godhead, raw communion with the Logos, and Holy Emptiness...as Saint William S once remarked: “Exterminate All Rational Thought.”

I don’t want to hold grudges and cast judgement but god damn, there I go again.  I called a man I don’t even know all sorts of horrible names and made fun of him because he looks like a pervert zombie from Las Vegas.  Actually, I guess I hadn’t mentioned that yet, but there it is. I’m open to ideas on how to jolt this cancer out of the human species, especially suggestions from my fellow power weirdos, you know who you are.  MOON WOOKIES. URBAN YETIS.  TALK TO A MAMMAL.  LET’S BUILD HERE.

January 1997: Sri Lankan theologian Fr. Tissa Balasuriya is excommunicated after being accused of theological aberrations, including assertions that Christianity is on the same level as other religions.

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Comments

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  • 1. mistah dubahyou on Sep 16, 2007 at 5:32 AM permalink

    vegas zombie pervert????? gotta calls em like ya sees em huh?

  • 2. XPreNN on Sep 16, 2007 at 12:33 PM permalink

    HAHAHA

  • 3. mj on Sep 16, 2007 at 2:25 PM permalink

    inspirational words!  makes me wanna get drunk and get punched in the face.

  • 4. shawn on Sep 16, 2007 at 10:02 PM permalink

    as an addendum to this article, Pope Vegaszombie is talking about returning to latin mass. Very forward thinking. As far as excommunicating the catholic tumor from Earth, I would say that at the very least its already starting. I mean, to me it seems like christianity is becoming rapidly polarized between those who are fundamentalists, and those who arent. This seems like its happening all by itself. The current administrations association with the evangelical/fundamentalist american base probably doesnt help either of their causes in the minds of the rest of rational america (howsoever large or small that faction may be). The nationwide big push for alternative marriage, promiscuity in youth (although thats always been around), and the general sense that the Catholic Church is backing into the apocalypse one step at a time at the rate of about 10 steps a year PROBABLY indicates that it is seriously schizming, or at least on the brink of doing so. My opinion, anyways. Their obstinance becomes their doom and their own unmaking. The serpent devours itself.

    p.s. lol get drunk and punched in the face dude that solves shit 9 times out of 10.

  • 5. name on Sep 17, 2007 at 1:15 PM permalink

    Don’t you follow the world news man? The effin’ French minister is warning the world to prepare for the upcoming war with Iraq, sorry I mean Iran. A world war???  and here you are wasting space on some worthless and powerless fuckface. Come on man, we got MUCH bigger problems with those evil mother fuckers. Gawd, you are really beginning to disappoint me…

  • 6. shawn on Sep 17, 2007 at 1:25 PM permalink

    France you say? Hm. Thats weird.

  • 7. Harflimon on Sep 17, 2007 at 3:25 PM permalink

    Well the best way would be to rebuild the Third Temple(Holy shit, a fucking mouse just ran across my desk. Little bugger scared the crap out of me.  Probably came in from the cold last night. Clearly my cat isn’t doing it’s job. Maybe I have toxoplasmosis.)on the mount and see if Jesus comes (back).

  • 8. Humpasaur on Sep 17, 2007 at 5:56 PM permalink

    There’s thousands of website for your bad news and doom porn, homey, take your negative anti-erotic trip elsewhere.  Better yet, go visit the best news site on the planet right now for that kinda shit:

    http://www.cryptogon.com

    I don’t stress the Fascists, and I don’t stress their “news” either.  Grow some nuts, human.

  • 9. Natalie on Sep 19, 2007 at 4:31 AM permalink

    Catholicism to me is a force of destruction and chaos—perhaps a manifestation of an ancient, Lovecrafty sort of evil. You can almost tell that just by looking at these popes. Catholicism is destruction and chaos because it is a singular force that, throughout history, has severly stunted the emotional and intellectual growth of humanity.

    Mr. Hump, Jung says we need to integrate the shadow, and wouldn’t you say Catholicism could be considered a helluva shadow? This is just a thought I haven’t fully realized myself…

    I was cracking up when I read your sarcastic phrase: “In 2007, though, the Vatican has very much caught up with reality.” But reality is one way we have of fighting the Catholic Church. For centuries the Catholic Church has manufactured its own brand of reality, and it’s one of the most popular name brands ever. I think the best way to fight the cancer of Catholicism is to focus on creating a reality based on self-love, acceptance, empathy and joy. And lots of kinky, hot sex too.

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