Humpjones

The Noose Tightens

Posted Mar 15, 2011

It’s weird that our culture holds such a dim view of sex workers, because it seems pretty clear to me that we’re all getting fucked for money, and at least five days a week, too. There’s no shame in that game, folks...there are, however, a few huge problems with that proposition. Namely, there’s more competition in the streets, overhead costs are going way up, and our pimps keep taking a bigger cut every year.

The Noose Tightens

There’s nothing hypothetical or theoretical about class warfare—in fact, it’s really been the only game in town for centuries now. It’s no secret that a vast majority of the human beings living on the Planet Earth today are on the losing side of that war. That will change whenever they get around to waking up, which will probably be at least another 500 to 50,000 years. Meanwhile, I recommend finding a hobby you can really enjoy.

Alex Jones is sounding sane enough for Glenn Beck to bite his whole schtick and still be considered a Conservative. All the Zero Hedge rhetoric about “bond vigilantes” got hella real last week when Bill Gross pulled the plug on his US Treasury life support. The fact that such a goofy little turd would be in any position to make decisions worth hundreds of billions is completely insane, but hey, here we are. It’s 2011 and reality is completely broken. Pucker up.

This isn’t some kind of Eat The Rich, sore loser diatribe, though—don’t misconstrue me. This is actually about sympathy for the devil. You see, what’s always lost on the proletariat is the high cost of actually winning the class war. Freedom is insanely expensive and dangerously temporary, and worst of all, pretty everyone who’s already made it is a fucking asshole...at best. Most of them are far worse than that, like the Saudi Princes who spend decades in London hotel rooms beating up hookers, or fat greaseball cokehead pedophiles...you know, like the current Prime Minister of Italy.

Berlusconi Old Pervert

Isn’t that photo insane? The story tells itself, huh? Would Barack be the first US President to knock a foreign head of state right the fuck out? The Kali Yuga will only continue to get crazier from here, so enjoy the calm sanity of 2011 while it lasts. Sure there was an 8.9 earthquake in Japan this week, but someday soon, you’re going to look back on this as The Good Old Days...you know, back when the earthquakes would actually stop…

I have good news, though: there’s no way for you to fully understand how fucked you are, so this really is as bad as it gets. This constant, low-level panic that’s eating at the soft corners of your mind? It won’t get any worse, and once Homeland Security starts drugging your water in 2015, it will all fade into perfectly acceptable background noise. For most of you, it’s already been there all along.

For those of you still awake, though: Cheers. Uncle Humpasaur is here to party with you beautiful mutants until none of us can remember what we were crying about, why were were laughing or what we were drinking for...and it’s all the same question, on the road to 2012.

I love you all.