Humpjones

Slow. Down. Cowboy.

Posted Mar 26, 2007 13 comments

Here’s something I’d never thought of until I sat down to write this: my two favorite experiences, which I more or less devote my life to seeking out, are the total stillness and inner silence of what alcoholics call “Moments of Clarity”—and the total annhilation of the self that comes with truly excessive catharsis.  Today, though, we’re going to focus on that first experience.

The last article got me a lot of negative feedback—mostly people upset about my negativity, hilariously enough.  Funnier still, it was overall a very positive thing because it gave me a Big Pause, and like I said, I sort of live for that shit.  The biggest vestigal organ I still have from growing up way too smart for my own good is impatience.  Actually, impatience makes it sound like I’m fidgeting in line at a grocery store...so let’s call it a Cosmic Contempt for anyone that won’t keep up with me.  Given the speeds I tend to operate at, that’s a rather serious problem.

After all, my sense of humor is not really obscure.  In fact, it’s all too common: I assume a huge amount of background context and information when I crack jokes, and it’s context that people usually don’t have.  I think we all do that.  So when I crack a joke about 300 being ”The Greatest Gay Porno of All Time,” more than a few people logically assume I’m demeaning homosexuals.  This is utterly hilarious to me, but that’s between me and my frontal lobes—on a larger, social level, that’s a rather serious problem.

Too Bad I Don’t Care

Hey...guess I am an asshole after all. Onwards.  Humpasaur Jones is an avatar, I got this whole schtick secondhand from someone in a lucid dream, not that I expect anyone to believe that.  Most of what I do, especially here on The Internets, is just a big House of Mirrors.  The dude who built it, and lives somewhere inside (maybe) is a recovering pathological liar, much like people are “recovering alcoholics”—you don’t stop being an alcoholic, and I never stopped being a habitual liar.  We just modify our behavior and hope the Bad Old Days don’t come back.

I would like to make it very clear, though, that there’s a lot of valuable and perfectly real facts, concepts, theories and observations here in this House of Mirrors, and if you’ve suffered through this absurdly self-indulgent introduction, here’s an important one: You’re Having Sex Way Too Fast.

In fact, you’re doing everything Way Too Fast.  Thinking, moving, reacting, talking, reading—and especially breathing.  It’s most instructive to focus on breathing for a second—are you aware of your breathing, right now?  How often are you aware of your breathing?  If you’re not consciously aware of it, how do you breathe?  In other words, if you’re not breathing, who is? Respiration is a good place to start, because after all, when you breathe faster, you breathe less deeply.  And shallow living is the Core Problem here.

Entrainment: The Physics of Mind Control

The human brain is a piece of shit. I’m mostly kidding, of course, but I do think there’s been more than enough flowery, crap prose written about “the exquisite machinery” of the “most powerful thinking machine in the known Universe.” When you look at the evidence—such as all human history, or the behavior of nearly everyone you and I will ever know, including and especially ourselves—you have to conclude that the human brain falls considerably short of it’s own hype.

Anyone who’s ever played with binaural beats understands the concept of “entrainment” firsthand.  Entrainment is the weird uncle of the physics family, everyone knows about it but they don’t discuss it too much, you know?  Legend has it entrainment was first observed by clockmakers—or a guy who ran a clockshop—because you can demostrate the principle by taking a bunch of old mechanical clocks with pendulums and putting them all on a table together.  Over the course a few hours, they will all get in synch with one another, and stay there.  Interestingly, you get the same result putting a bunch of women in a dormitory situation—they all wind up on the same menstrual cycle.  Weird, huh?

The human brain works in the same fashion—given a strong outside rhythm, the brain will sync up it’s electromagnetic waves to that tempo.  Given the amount of electromagnetic appliances, shitty loud music, and mechanical noise we’re surrounded with, that’s a rather serious problem.

Quantum Tantra Type Stuff

Of course, wether or not the human brain—and the body attached to it—is a cage or a tool is strictly up to you.  No matter what you decide, though, I would like to suggest a few simple exercises that will help you with either struggle.  Wether you’d like to escape the flesh, or just learn to use it better, you’re going to have to start meditating regularly.  I was once asked to simplify meditation while I was in a drunk and sarcastic mood and came up with something that’s stuck ever since:

1. Sit in one place until you realize how hard it is to sit in one place.

2. Then, don’t move.

But why meditate alone, right? That’s the question that inspired Tantra, thousands and thousands of years ago.  Now it’s 2007 and Tantra is still the Heavyweight Champion of all mystic traditions.  That’s probably because all mystic traditions, from Gnostics to Buddhists to goth kids reading Crowley like they Get the Joke, are all variations descended from Tantra.  (Here’s a handy chart.)

Further Reading for Curious Perverts

All this frenzied thrusting bullshit—come on, man.  That’s for dogs, that’s for guilty Catholics, that’s for porn studs who are too numbed on cocaine and Cialis to even feel their pecker anymore.  You’re a human being with standards and taste, right?  Act like it. 

In the course of this week, we’ll keep digging into the neurology and biology behind, well...fucking...but it’s all going to revolve around this here theme.  If you want to enjoy your life, slow down.  Don’t let this sick and psychotic culture dictate how you live, and especially don’t let it get into your bedroom.  The stakes are too high nowadays.  You gotta stay weird, you gotta stay free, and you gotta understand what makes you tick, twitch and tremble.

Some Nick Herbert:

Well, psychology has used a lot of classic metaphors to explain the mind, like the hydraulic metaphor of urges bulding up, and even when repressed, they’ll find some way to spurt out to the surface. We’re told that releasing your repressions will relieve the pressure, and you’ll become healthy. That’s a very classical metaphor.

Now we have this marvelous new way of thinking called quantum mechanics, and it seems right to use these metaphors to explain human behavior. So, what’s the most interesting human behavior of all? Sexual, of course. That’s the idea, to use quantum mechanical metaphors to explore sexuality, to look at it through the lens of quantum physics.

I would consider Q.T. successful if we could find new things to do that never would have been thought of using the old metaphors. I mean, of course, pleasant things.

Nick Herbert on Holistic Physics.

Quantum Tantra Dot Com.

Reuniting article on Tantra and Wisdom.

Reuniting archive of Tantric info (very dope, fresh and def).

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