Dear Humpasaur: How Bisexual are Bisexuals?
Posted Sep 19, 2007 6 comments
The Question
Do most bisexuals have a simultaneous attraction toward both men and women or does it oscillate between one then the other? Or is it a mixed bag with some people claiming to be bisexual having a consistent both sex attraction while others go back and forth between hetero and homosexual attractions? And could bisexuality be considered akin to bipolar or multiple personality disorder?
The Answer
First and foremost: we do not have accurate data on human sexuality. Although the taboo on sex research has been lifted a great deal in the past 50 years, it’s still very much in it’s infancy. All current theories are based on very thin connections and incomplete information. Although I wish I could just look up that sort of information—how often does the average Methodist masturbate?—in reality, it’s all guesswork. This leads to some unintentional hilarity in the normally dry pages of wikipedia:
In general, surveys quoted by anti-gay activists tend to show figures nearer 1%, while surveys quoted by gay activists tend to show figures nearer 10%, with a mean of 4-5% figure most often cited in mainstream media reports.
So in other words, two groups of liars are competing over fabricated numbers, and the “mainstream media” decides to just split the difference. As opposed to, say, investigations, research or journalism. It would be fascinating to get ahold of the databases for MySpace and Facebook and do a survey using that information.
Anyways, the biggest, most recentest and most authoritative-est report I could find was from 2002. The National Center for Health Statistics says that 1.8 percent of US men aged 18-44 are bisexual. If that doesn’t seem like a lot, it’s not: compare that to 3.9 percent of that same demographic who identified themselves as “something else.” An earlier thinktank estimate, 1993’s Janus Report, claimed that on average, 5 percent of men and 3 percent of women were bisexual.
As for the more precise statistic of Who They Bonk And When, I can’t find anything. Most of the long-term studies involving bisexuality are focused on AIDS related questions. Honestly, I’m skeptical about humans ever getting straight answers on this stuff. How do we get accurate data? How do you quantify waking up with two women you don’t even know, with your tongue too swollen to speak to them? Our libidos are too weird and fierce for flowcharts and spreadsheets. Although now that I think about it, both “flowchart” and “spreadsheet” are very sexually charged words.
And to answer your last question, we’d need accurate data on spreadsheet files, plugged into a computer so we could graph the results. Do graphs of a bisexual person’s changing attractions over time resemble the patterns of manic depressive cycles? I think we’re about a century away from answering that one, but I’m still willing to try. It’s interesting that bipolar disorders overwhelmingly tend to manifest during sexual maturation—“late adolescence and early adulthood,” as the doctors say. The demographics are also similar—estimates vary, but between 1% and 4% of Earth humans have bipolar tendencies.
Bipolar symptoms are often passed down through families, although it’s unclear if that’s because of learned behavior or genetic and biological factors. Yeah...it’s probably both. However, there’s been no studies to my knowledge that link the sexual orientation of parents to the sexual orientation of children. That’s about where my crystal ball shits out, too. In the absence of any information about the cycles of bisexual behavior, we can’t do any further comparisons.
Frankly, you’re a weirdo for even asking that. Maybe I misread you out of dumb optimism, and you’re trying to imply that you’d have to be mentally ill to be bisexual. I’ll assume it was all just honest speculation, because I’m down with speculation in a big way. Thanks to everyone who’s been sending in dope questions, you’re helping me more than I’m helping you. AND THAT’S THE FACTS.
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Comments
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1. Natalie on Sep 19, 2007 at 5:05 AM permalink
I remembered that Kinsey had a scale for this:
0- Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual
1- Predominately heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2- Predominately heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4- Predominately homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5- Predominately homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6- Exclusively homosexual
(The Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex ©1990, St. Martin’s Press, NY)
When I did a search for the above Kinsey scale, I found a terrific page on the straight-bi-gay trichotomy. Check it out. I haven’t read the entire thing, but most of it.
2. radlee jones on Sep 19, 2007 at 5:29 AM permalink
one time i got drunk kissed some dude with long hair then again i guess thats accidental gay i dont know hhahaha fuck im to mcgoo to read this and or reply later humpAhump
3. Bling Finger on Sep 19, 2007 at 10:36 AM permalink
Yeah it’d also be interesting to find out how many 14-year-olds are divorced, 7’ tall, and “more to love”.
You also forgot the “relational” database. And by name you’d think that would be the best tool for the job…
4. Humpasaur on Sep 19, 2007 at 2:35 PM permalink
Wow, so a “Biblical Relational Database” could have at least 9 meanings? I think we’ve got a business model here.
5. Themikenesedude on Sep 20, 2007 at 10:40 PM permalink
Hokay here’s how it goes- First off there’s people who are confused… I remember when every woman treated me like shit or like I was their kid brother and I just had an itch I had to scratch… So I thought I liked guys. That was after being confused and pretty much asexual (I graduated from a high school with two hot chicks which sucks and led to me naturally being really fucking confused). Anyway then I realized I didn’t really like dick- just tacos…
Then you’ve got people who don’t have that delayed adolescence who had some kind of sexual trauma that might give a slight nudge to both directions because of the fragmentation and trying to find a sexual identity- Not bad in and of itself what with great fun real unrealistically great and kinky sex performed by consenting adults but it occassionally can be caused by some really evil shit. I mean it happens… Just look at what happenned to Marilyn Manson after the sexual traumas he talks about in his autobiography “Long Hard Road Out Of Hell”, but when he had come up with some sort of sexual identity he felt comfortable with, then he had experiences just as great as I had if not better.
Also people on crystal meth who say they are bisexual are really straight people looking for marks who are sufferring from the hypersexuality I just mentioned in the last paragraph cuz of the glass (at least the ones I met- whose names are uumm Jay, Silent Bob, Tom Sizemore, Count Chocula- In other words let’s never talk about “crystal meth” past this paragraph and I never brought it up).
Goth kids who say they are bisexual are just trying to impress girls and get their attention by pretending they are somewhat “gay”.
I did have an exgirlfriend for a year who was pretty set in her bisexuality (I’m straight by the way- and I don’t really care). And it was funny when I brought it up the first thing people expect is for us to have been swingers who were living out some swanky over-the-top smutty paperback when actually aside from her personal issues it was a normal even maybe more normal than most, coupledom… So yeah thats something to expect to deal with is people expecting you to be freakydeaky in case you hook up with some bisexual guy or girl....
Oh- and that dude, the sexologist Kinsey, had believed that all people were at least a tich bisexual by default, even the straighest chicks or dudes. So that’s a trip.
Anyway hope you enjoyed the fun mental masturbation…
6. Themikenesedude on Sep 20, 2007 at 10:42 PM permalink
By the way the exgirlfriend always would eyeball chicks which made me jealous- But she definitely was not a lesbian (Every time she’d get home at 2 or 4 in the morning shed be all over me for hours)…
No I’m not making this stuff up…