Behind the Music: The Making of “Keep it Moist”, Part 1
Posted Oct 15, 2007 19 comments
People think Humpasaur Jones is some sort of joke. I don’t get what their fucking problem is: I’m obviously as real as it gets, right?
I’ve got earnest postgraduate students wigging out with every other article I do, because I’m obviously insane but yet I know too much to be merely wrong. I’ve got Scientologists trying to set me up as a sex pervert or purveyor of smut, because they’re still pissed about my last article on them. I’ve got publishers and “cool” corporate websites trying to co-opt me—or worse yet, offering to HIRE ME.
It’s weird how far things have wandered—ladies and gentlemen, no matter what else you think I am, I’m first and foremost a rapper. And by Ganeshe, I’ve got an album almost finished and I’m going to talk about that here today.
Let’s Make An Album...On Drugs
This past week I’ve been staying at Liquid Wet Studios, recording my debut album,
For future reference, if any professional producers who happen to be rabid Humpasaur fans are reading this, consider offering to mix and master my next album for free. That would really make my day. For any tech heads reading this: Rode NT 1000, ART Tube MP, Lexicon Omega, Dell Dimension laptop, Cubase, every Waves bundle in the universe, and iZtope Ozone. Of course, as any producer worth a damn knows, the real key to effective mixing is not equipment, but substances: without good marijuana, you might as well hire someone else to do that crap for you. Fortunately, the recording session for Keep it Moist just happened to coincide with one of the lushest harvest seasons my humble home state has ever seen.
Mushrooms are also important, as bookends for any creative project. You need to clear the mental desk before undertaking the recording sessions and clarify your goals. The mushrooms are also a valuable tool for last-minute troubleshooting. Thanks to a very sketchy transaction in a shopping mall parking lot, my buddy Chris Dizzy landed some obscenely expensive speakers intended for us in large sound suites where DVD soundtracks get mastered. Needless to say, with some fungi in your bloodstream and the Liquid Wet sound system at full throttle, I can see the whole album as a single holographic moment.
I don’t know how exactly that helps me, but it sure looks cool.
Getting in Shape for Total Self-Destruction
All debauchery aside, I do have serious advice for recording good music: do something productive for a few hours before you even set foot in the studio. The most reliable technique for getting quality takes I’ve found is to build your momentum doing other things beforehand.
Thanks to a recent (hilarious and self-inflicted) personal crisis, I’ve been taking an interest in working out, you know...getting pumped. I’ve learned some fascinating lessons, and I’d like to share them with you here:
1. Working out constantly while drinking 2 pots of coffee a day and not eating can lead to weight loss. Like, holy shit I just lost 15 pounds in 5 days type weight loss. Apparently doing high-cardio workouts and running all over town at night is not a good system for “bulking up.” I could have learned this by simply checking wikipedia, but I wasn’t thinking rationally at the time.
2. Soy really does make you gay. I’m just kidding, hippies. Chillax. What soy does do, though, is increase your body’s estrogen levels, and if you’re a penis-bearing human past the age of 10, you generally don’t need too much estrogen. And if you’re looking to gain muscle mass, you definitely don’t want estrogen in your system—that reduces testosterone, which you’ll need. I was also shocked to learn that alcohol sharply reduces testosterone levels, although I haven’t figured out how long that effect lasts for. Apparently the less tasty end of the vegetable spectrum is a surefire bet for reducing estrogen: “Broccoli, cauliflower, radishes, turnips, cabbage and brussel sprouts.” No beets?
3. Know The Difference Between Sissy and Injury. Fortunately, I haven’t been feeling insecure enough to have this problem. Your body knows, instantly and with 100% certaintly, when it’s being pushed too hard. Always listen to the body. That voice in your head is trying to kill you.
Now that I’ve completely prepared you with everything you need to know for gaining 20 pounds of raw muscle in 7 days, I think I’ll call this one a wrap. Up next: PART TWO.
Spread the Research:
Filed in: The Music
Next entry: George Carlin Drops Science on Sex in America
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Commenting is not available in this weblog entry.1. Chico on Oct 15, 2007 at 5:49 AM permalink
Who’s the gay cat in the pink shirt?
2. Senator Knee Hi on Oct 15, 2007 at 11:33 AM permalink
They think you’re a *joke*?! How dare they! How dare they question a multiple persona demigod prophet who is both here and elsewhere, man and superman, frontman guru and masked sidekick, man of 1,000 opinions and master of none, who shakes the market in east Asia by sheer force of will and who makes the incredible inarguable. I’m shocked, SHOCKED to find that there is *skepticism* in them thar hills!
3. smudgefinny on Oct 15, 2007 at 1:45 PM permalink
Games indeed.
Just deleted a comment from some dude claiming to be “humpjones” @ my site saying I was a tool of Zionism, lol.
To the HE/SHE/THEY/IT using my name: Get a hobby. Or get to know Hump better before trying to emulate him. I know him well enough from RI to see through this pretty quick. Besides, “smudge” ain’t nothing without the “finny”. Tell yer mates @ the Celebrity Center…
For the record: I approve defiant sexual acts between consenting adults. In fact, I recommend it! More booty, less bombs…
Sorry for the mix up. Good luck w/ the disk, Hump.
*smudgefinny*
4. Humpasaur on Oct 15, 2007 at 1:56 PM permalink
TOO WEIRD. Layers abound here on the Internets...I guess Hump Jones is as good a place as any to bring up our friend Dreams End, who’s definitely in the thick of this shit right now. To me, all these shifting names and pseudonyms are the froth on the information sea, but you can easily get lost in the shadows, too.
Of course, I don’t mean to imply that DE is “lost”, just because I don’t get where he’s at right now. He’s probably onto something important, actually.
And yeah, I don’t lose too much sleep over Zionism, although I did blow a sure thing with a hot Israeli chick a few years back by running my mouth about how Palestinians might be actual human beings....
5. smudgefinny on Oct 15, 2007 at 2:30 PM permalink
Haha.
Should’ve waited till morning.
Hey, as far as DE goes, your more than welcome to say, “my name is paul” on that one. I do think he’s getting trolled, but that’s another thread, another website. Not Hump-applicable.
Anyway, just wanted to clear things up.
I’ll keep reading. Be well.
6. Jon Storvick on Oct 15, 2007 at 4:11 PM permalink
No idea if that was aimed at me or not, but for the record I am no longer involved with Manutius in any way, shape or form.
7. Humpasaur on Oct 15, 2007 at 4:41 PM permalink
Okay, now that’s two people confusing the shit of me...."My name is Paul”?..."Mautius"?....man, good thing I’ve got google right in front of me.
Keep confusing me, though, I love it.
8. Jon Storvick on Oct 15, 2007 at 5:10 PM permalink
well, all right… (in Quagmire voice)
I wuz mistaken, so no worries then.
9. Ghostface on Oct 15, 2007 at 9:06 PM permalink
I can’t beleive you of all people would make the stupid mistake of not eating and weight training and lmao
I couldve told you that lol, I’ll send some good info later if you need it
10. Jesse on Oct 15, 2007 at 9:26 PM permalink
I WOULD BE HAPPY TO MIX YOU NEXT ALBUM, I HAVE CONSTANT ACESS TO A PROFESSIONAL STUDIO AND LOVE NEW PROJECTS!
11. Lloydyboy on Oct 15, 2007 at 9:33 PM permalink
Having extra muscle is over-rated. I look like The Thing from the Fantastic Four and chix run away from me. I seem to attract guys tho. Guys dig other guys’ muscles. Like chix can talk forever about their favorite hair care products.
I’m not sure about EtOH clipping testoterone levels. I started drinking after workouts about 20 years ago when some guy told me that having a beer after a workout would flush the lactic acid out. I wasn’t sure if his science was right, but it felt good so I’ve kept doing it. I’ve since progressed to having a couple of shots of vodka mixed with a can of pop. It really does help loosen me up. I need it. I get a little tight because part of my workout warm-up is drinking two cups of coffee and taking a couple of Sudafeds. I’ll probably die of stroke.
Good luck on the music project.
12. david on Oct 15, 2007 at 11:36 PM permalink
Lloyd, if you need to loosen up, try the 4 short ones and a big one pranayama technique. I swear the fucker works wonders.
I , too, attract homosexual males. Especially in the village in NYC. But i definitely look more like a woman. Long hair and high cheekbones can be a devastating mixture.
13. mistah dubahyou on Oct 16, 2007 at 1:40 AM permalink
1. I can’t fucking wait for the album.
2. who took the B&W;pic? CHWAN?
3. Aloha my friend, we miss you
with love,
wainwright
oh yeah
When does the childrens album drop, it was a promise.......
14. Humpasaur on Oct 16, 2007 at 4:26 AM permalink
And for real, BANANA CHIPS.
15. smudgefinny on Oct 16, 2007 at 9:18 AM permalink
HUMP: Wasn’t messing with you. I meant as in, “my name is Paul and it’s between you all”. Lame, yes. Code, no.
For bulk? Skinless Chicken and corn flakes. Get HUGE, so you can keep wearing pink!
16. Lloydyboy on Oct 16, 2007 at 10:11 AM permalink
For you kids out there: don’t drink alcohol BEFORE working out. I’ve lost a couple of toenails and got a frontal subdural hematoma by dropping dumbells. I’ve smoked weed prior to workouts and ended up losing count of my reps, which is frustrating when you’re OCD.
You gotta be focused, yo. Meth’s probably OK tho—in moderation.
17. jef knight on Oct 16, 2007 at 12:40 PM permalink
I might be interested in helping with the engineering of your album.
30yrs experience - very nice studio
Email me.
peace
jk
18. squidly p. teuthis, attorney at law on Oct 16, 2007 at 1:29 PM permalink
if u all think those pictures are awesome, they take on a whole new level of hilarity when you realize the man is about 6’6”
19. no such thing001 on Oct 23, 2007 at 3:40 AM permalink
He can’t possibly be that tall
...are you?